First of all, I want to congratulate you on all you have accomplished. You are a beautiful, creative, talented woman. Who ever told you different was lying. Scripture does not lie, and it’s you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God did not lie to you are me.
I understand Lil Kim is a persona you constructed. Kimberly Jones needs you. Proverbs is real Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Believe me, as a dark skinned sister I understand. I have empathy and sympathy for the hurt the delusion that being dark is bad causes. I am dealing with some of the same issues you. For ourselves and our daughters, we must heal.
A woman unintentionally instilled in me the belief that I was ugly. Kim, I was the ugly duckling in my family. We have to remember at the end of the story the ugly duckling was comparing itself to the wrong species. Yes, swans make ugly ducklings, but they are beautiful Swans.
When I was growing up, I felt too dark, which translated to unpretty. In middle school, I wanted to bleach my skin. I even told my father I was upset because I was dark and it was his fault. I struggled with my skin tone because my maternal grandmother called me “spook.” My paternal grandmother tried to convince me that my skin tone was beautiful and that I was beautiful. I didn’t believe her. I know colourism is a huge issue in our ethnic community. In the days of slavery, colourism was used as a tactic to separate.
Growing up in America it’s easy to feel pressure to accept unrealistic beauty standards. Sometimes we are taught the more Eurocentric looking, the better. I know during middle school I was obsessed with Marilyn Monore I read many books about her. She was a construct she was born Norma Jean Baker. Despite all the money invested in outward appearance, she was miserable. It had no value to her, and she still did not obtain the acceptance she was seeking.
Dealing with misogynistic men only fueled that belief. In my life, the devil has used misogynist to distract me from my purpose. I think he may be doing the same with you. I know in the movie Notorious it dealt with some of the abuse you have faced. In TV One series Unsung, it talked about how you have suffered injuries. After watching the episode, I believe some of the plastic surgery was just to cover the injuries you sustained.
Historically black women have been devalued. Sojourner Truth addressed this issue in her Ain’t I am Woman commentary. Malcolm X encourage a dialogue about the value of Black ( African- American) women. Decades later Hip Hop’s misogynist influence is not helping value the black women.
Recently I meet a dark skinned elegant beauty woman, and she shared her story of discovering she was a beauty woman with me. Today I am learning to embrace my looks. I am ok with being dark skinned. My skin isn’t that bad. I frequently get compliments on my complexion and comments that I am youthful looking.
Kim, we are blessed we know Jesus. Marilyn didn’t have a clue. I know you know Jesus because despite your raunchy lyrics you are serially monogamous. You have not had negative press about having a bad attitude.
I hope you heal and share your journey through your music.