Journey of Becoming a Domestic Violence Overcomer

Before Domestic Violence Awareness month last year we had the Rice case. Which helped fuel the discussion about domestic violence. After years of being in denial about the need to heal from domestic violence. I finally decided to attend a domestic violence support group. I realize now leaving the situation is only the first step. Being able to say you are an overcomer or survivor of domestic violence means moving past it through healing.

In the majority of my adult relationships, I have experienced intimate partner violence. I had previously refused to deal with domestic violence in counseling. In 2012, I attend a women’s support group after I the group ended I felt compelled to organize a domestic violence  conference.   Right before  the conference  I reconnected with an abusive ex.  I was trying to justify his behavior in mind. 

Last year a  domestic violence story that stuck with me this year was about a young woman who my life mirrors. Her Facebook was public, so I got to read how our lives were the same. We both we concerned about making things better and loving family.

A few days ago I was on a radio show, and the host asked me, how I deal with negative comments when sharing my truth. The first thing that popped into my mind was about my abusive ex, who didn’t support the things that really made me heart sing. But I responded by saying look to see if there is truth in the negative comments and if not then remember that they probably don’t know who they are or God.

I know in my situation my ex-boyfriends did spiritual belief were different mine.  My boundaries gradually eroded, at first, it was tolerating verbal abuse, emotional abuse and eventually financial abuse. I stayed and started to become despondent. It wasn’t until I went for routine doctor’s visit the doctor said I would live to be 100 years old, and I thought I don’t want to live like this that long. Another thing that inspired me to leave the situation was, the thought, what if I decide I not ready to die. What if a psychical altercation happens and I get scared and make a decision that alters my life.

Before my most recent domestic violence experience, I didn’t feel I was really qualified to be an advocate for domestic violence. I had too many, not yets. Not yet had I been hospitalized due to domestic violence, not yet had I had the shit beaten out of me. (God willing I hopefully I will not have to experience that).

Last year I came to the realization that I was groomed to experience domestic violence. I thought I was doing enough to heal with attending domestic violence support group, but recently I realized I am still attracting controlling men. So I know I am just beginning the journey of becoming a domestic violence overcomer.

Breaking the silence is helping me. I am thankful to the women who have lived to tell their stories. In my home state of Missouri here are the statics for domestic violence


5 thoughts on “Journey of Becoming a Domestic Violence Overcomer”

  1. Most people think abused woman lives in poverty, uneducated, and an addict. Well, I have several college degrees, was considered middle class,
    Why have I stayed
    I have stayed I kept thinking I would find a decent boating career after I had chosen to return to work after choosing to put my career on hold. I had two cancer scares, my child was diagnosed with a Disabilty. In addition, shelters are full most of the time. I also feel with all my education and previous work experience, I deserve better. This government still does not have enough, adequate, decent programs for abused mothers.
    So many people judge women of domestic voilience for staying. Well when you have no family to love with, shelters constantly being filled, bad credit because of the finical abuse, no job, you feel stuck because you are.
    I have been seeking gainful employment for four years. Not minimum wage, that will not keep a roof over your head nor support a child. I have a AA in Spanish, BA in Business, and Post Grad hours.

  2. Why are you afraid of hitting rock bottom.. but not afraid of the violence? Some things have to be torn down to the roots to be built better.
    No judgement.. been there. So has a dear friend of mine whos boyfriend blinded her and killed 3 of her friends. #abuse.

  3. Overcoming the cycle of abuse is challenging. A good support system eases the difficulties but does not remedy them. The work is internal. Free your spirit and your self will follow.
    After being out for more than 20 years I find myself still struggling with healthy relationships.
    Keep struggling….there is strength on the struggle!

  4. I agree that it’s hard to find a good shelter and program of support in our state. When my back is against the wall & my world is upside down. My personal opinion when all resources are dried up, it push me toward God. If i never prayed before my mind & heart to be heal, now is the time to know God. Never want to be bitter, angry & unforgiveness in my heart. Start to walk in love & God turn my life around.

  5. Being a survivor myself I must say the journey of ‘overcoming’ abuse doesn’t always look the same. Everyone has to go through their own process. Although it may be different paths taken the goal is the same. To Stop The Abuse. I applaud these women for sharing their stories. For any reader who may be suffering from abuse, this post will gives them the assurance that they are not alone. If God can bring us out of our horrible situations, then there is hope and help for them. Because we know God is not a respector of person. Great read and encouragement.

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