Music that speaks to my Heart

Last night a DJ changed my life with a song…


My cousin inspired me to get back into blogging. So lately  started writing new post and showing blog love to my fellow bloggers. Writing allows you to use words to express ideas and emotions. With writing just like any other art form, writers influence each other. Writing allows you to use words to express ideas and emotions. Songs express emotion and tell stories as well.  I read a post by  a gifted blogger about  songs that were significant to her. So as with most good ideas people copy.

Before every thinking about this post , I talked with my daughter about what songs I would pick as the soundtrack to  my life. My musical taste definitely show I am the child of the 70’s. One of my all time favorite songs is  Slave, “ Watching  You”. I just enjoy the song it makes me want to dance even though I am not a dancer. It just represent cool to me.  To me it is  the story of watching somebody you have a crush on, but not being ready to express it yet.  But if they happen to look in your eyes they see that glimmer while you are checking them out.

As a young girl I listened to quiet storm music and  daydreamed about getting married and have a passionate loving relationship with my husband. I guess I thought it would make up for how lonely I felt. I was always loved Diana Ross hit song, “I am coming Out”,  It just seemed like a celebratory anthem. At first my attraction to the song was because I was shy and  I knew on the inside I was an extrovert. Over the years what I am coming out has changed from domestic violence, depression, poverty to just feeling empowered.

I guess my other favorite song was influenced by my wish to escape a childhood influence by abuse. The Commodores , “Zoom” I think my Dad also influenced my liking the song because he was always talked about flying,  and space. Many days I  think  I would like to  fly far away from here. Growing up I had so many labels of dumb, stupid, being a fool, ugly.Being who I want to be appealed to me.

After going through a traumatic period during my 8th grade year.  I found comfort in Tears for Fears, “Songs from the Big Chair”. Of course I could relate to Shout, the theme for teenage expression for freedom. There was so much that I had kept in for years and it was beginning to spill out. I listen to the album on repeat for hours as I paced around the coffee table in the living room at my Grandma’s house.  I loved the line “we are paid by those who learned by our mistakes”, in the single “ Working hour.”  At that point in life I had already made some huge mistakes that had a dramatic impact. My choices had led to major depression. I was feeling hopeless. I was in an overwhelming emotional amount of pain.

As a teenager, I didn’t realize that fear had already started wrapping me up in chains. Head over Heals was one of my favorites.” I would curse, nurse my pain while singing along to, “ I believe”, I tried to encourage myself that when the pain and hurting were gone I would be strong.    When Tears for Fears released Sowing the Seeds of Love, the single “Woman in Chains” is what I identified with. As I grow older I can I  say lived the song through all the controlling relationships.

After I was  baptized and join youth choir. I would sing the songs we learned in my head throughout day. I know my Grandma Rosie influenced because she would do housework, cook while singing Jesus loves me and other hymns.

As an adult I started to listen to gospel music some. I was trying to become more spiritual after being sober for a few years. I felt I needed more. I tried listen to gospel music to encourage myself. It had a slight impact of making me feel better.  A few weeks before I became homeless for the first time at 26 years old.  As I would listen to gospel music on the radio in the car, I heard a song about being homeless. I would drive all over the city to escape the stress of being at home.  When I became homeless I thought about the song and it gave me hope.   Seven years later when I was homeless in Atlanta. The song,  “Praise is what I do” encouraged me.   I  heard it for the first time in the church van on the way back to the shelter. A few weeks later I was overjoyed to hear William Murphy perform the song live at New Birth. That song keep me going when I was homeless. During that period Smokieful Norful “I need you now” was my anthem. As a homeless woman with two daughters and nothing but the clothes on back I had to depend on God.

One day I was talking to Ms. Linda who braided my hair. When you are getting your hair done it seems like therapy. You can spill everything. She advised me when I feel discouraged to listen to gospel music. One day when I was feeling blue, I decided to listen to gospel  and it made me reflected on how God had kept me and my children  in Atlanta.

The soundtrack to my life is still being written. I am thankful God made people, who understand  the things I feel and can express, what it seems I can’t find the right words to express.


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