I read Dr. Wanda Turner’s book “Even with My Issues” she discussed how despite having issues God can still use humans for His glory. I purchased the book because I had gotten tired of not being able to serve or help because I felt I didn’t have my stuff together.
For years, I kept hearing the phrase “Your mess is your message”. Being homeless was only part of my mess. It was the outward sign of my pillars were falling. Originally when writing this book I only wanted to talk about being homeless, but then I recognized that was only part of the mess. I realized the importance of the whole story. I didn’t just become chronically homeless. There was a lesson I need to learn. My Dad had told me if you are in a situation and you get out before you learn your lesson you are destined to repeat it. The pillars of prudence and sound judgment were what I was lacking. Missing two pillars affected the unstable structure.
“Sometimes it’s not that we don’t have what we need, but rather that our attitude about money and possessions needs to be adjusted. Even when we have money… we can still yearn for something that money, possessions, and status can never satisfy- peace loving-kindness, patience, and joy.” For me, I was so focused on a lack of material needs. I spent my time worrying instead of meditating on God’s word and using problem-solving skills.
In Bible, there is a story about a widow the prophet encourages her to have faith and problem solve. He asked her what resources she says and then gives her instructions so she can use her resolves to take care of debt and provide for her sons.
I became obsessed with the lack of money. Instead of asking God to provide for. I relied on my own best thinking. I thought finishing college would provide employment and protect me from having to be homeless. I didn’t understand academic knowledge without emotional intelligence.
When you don’t learn the lesson, each time it presents itself it becomes more difficult. How does someone become homeless four times? My first homeless experience was inconvenient and the second experience was difficult. My third homeless experience was challenging. I began to feel the stigma of being homeless. During my third homeless experience, I became an eyewitness to all the obstacles a homeless person has to overcome to achieve the American dream. My fourth homeless experience was caused by lack of faith. I relied on a man to fix my problem instead of believing by faith God would solve it.
My life has been like the journey of the Israelite. My homeless experience was like a wilderness experience. After becoming frustrated with my refusal to turn toward Him completely, I stayed in the wilderness longer than I had too.